Miss ~ Harloe Rae Page 5

  There’s still time before Jitters closes. I can make it down there for a quick visit. She’ll probably kick me out on sight, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take. In the next beat, I find a clean shirt and my truck keys. All I can think about is getting to her. Just once, then I’ll leave her alone. Permanently.

  The drive to Jitters doesn’t take long. The Mossy Den is on the opposite end of Main Street, but that isn’t very far in this town. Pretty sure I could cruise up and down the entire drag in less than ten minutes. Regardless, I could find the way with my eyes closed. An invisible tether pulls taut and drags me toward her.

  In what feels like the snap of my fingers, I’m standing in front of her cafe. The uncertainty piles on while my feet remain frozen to the sidewalk. This is a mistake. A prickle of awareness shoots across my scalp. She’s just beyond the painted door. Am I selfish enough to drag her back down with me? Is the fallout worth a couple moments in her presence? The best choice would be to turn around and forget this stupid plan.

  But I’m weak. I always have been when it comes to her.

  With a determined breath, I yank open the door. A soft bell chimes, announcing my disruption. It might as well be a foghorn considering how everyone in the place is staring. But I don’t pay any attention to them. My focus is locked solely on one beautiful blonde.

  Delilah looks like she sees a ghost. Guess I kind of am one. She gapes and blinks slowly, no words escaping her pouty lips. In my peripheral, I notice another girl standing close to her. They wear matching expressions of shock, which has curiosity digging into me. This other blonde is slightly familiar, and I realize she’s the one often around Delilah.

  Her head swivels back and forth as she looks between us. Eventually she settles on me, pointing at my face.

  “Are you Zeke?” she asks far too loudly.

  The emphasis on my name makes it sound like Delilah has mentioned me a time or two. My chest puffs up a bit at that, but only slightly. I don’t answer her, choosing to study my girl instead. At the chick’s question, Delilah snaps out of it. Her mouth opens and closes without a sound. She swallows audibly but still doesn’t speak. I suppose it’s now or never.

  While striding to the register, my gaze never wavers from her bottomless sea of green. I lean forward until I’m close enough to whisper. “Hey, Trip.”

  HAUNT

  Delilah

  ZEKE STROLLS IN like he owns the place. He doesn’t—I do. But in this moment, I’m not aware of that fact. Regardless, my ears whoosh uselessly, blocking out my surroundings. All I hear is my heartbeat, which pounds to the steady rhythm of his footfalls as they carry him toward me. One measured step at a time. Shit.

  My first instinct is to hug him. Then punch him. But I do neither. I stand frozen like a statue, unsure of what the hell is happening. Zeke is here? In front of me? We aren’t alone, but might as well be. I’m pretty sure Raven says something, but who knows what. I’m developing an extreme case of tunnel vision with Zeke as the target. The very real threat of tears sting my eyes, and I blink the unwanted emotion away.

  The last five years vanish. I’m seventeen again. Jesus, the past is materializing in front of me in a very attractive package. It would be criminal if I didn’t check him out, in a very lazy fashion.

  Zeke has always been tall, but he seems larger and even broader as he stomps into my shop like a giant force. He’s selling masculinity like a Times Square billboard. The defined muscles in his shoulders and arms strain the grey shirt he’s wearing. His dark hair is longer than I remember but swept away from his chiseled face. The defined jaw I’m all too familiar with is covered in thick stubble. When my perusal reaches his startling blue eyes, it’s game fucking over. I wobble on shaky legs and reach for balance on the counter.

  After the initial slam of shock wears off, I have to force my feet to remain in place. Once again, the deeply ingrained need to wrap my arms around him flares to life. My body is naturally drawn to Zeke, and I've never hated it before this moment. He no longer deserves that unconditional response. With that thought barreling forward, I strengthen my resolve to remain cool and detached. Damn him for making me this way.

  When he’s close enough to touch, Zeke stops and leans in. “Hey, Trip.”

  My belly swoops at the nickname I haven’t heard since he left. The reminder of his absence immediately replaces the flutters with stones.

  “Hello, Zeke,” I say between clenched teeth.

  I don’t need to look at Raven to know she’s putting the pieces together. Her gasp says it all. She fumbles with some plates before murmuring, “Holy shit, D.”

  “You can say that again,” I mutter in return.

  Zeke remains silent in front of us, but his cool blue stare swirls with meaning. I take a deep breath to gather my wits but instantly regret doing so. His familiar scent goes straight to my head. Irish Spring soap floats above the always-present rich coffee aroma, somehow overpowering the bold flavor. Apparently not everything has changed. All I want to do is drink him in. But I won’t.

  “I think the oven just dinged,” Raven murmurs from the side of her mouth. That’s her telltale excuse. She slinks behind me as if we can’t see her go.

  I turn my focus back on the liar in front of me.

  “What are you doing here?” The lash of my voice echoes between us. I almost cringe, but decide he deserves my hostility.

  He shrugs his impossibly wide shoulders. “Got a job in town. Figured it was time for me to swing by.”

  His nonchalant approach has my blood boiling. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

  Zeke squints at me like I’m a puzzle he needs to solve. “You look good, Trip. Even better than in my imagination.”

  “Are you stoned? You realize we haven’t spoken in over five years,” I grind out through clenched teeth.

  “I’m aware, Delilah. No need to point out the obvious.”

  I narrow my eyes into pissed-off slits. “You left and never came back,” I growl low but fierce.

  He tilts his head and appraises me coolly. “Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

  The gears in my brain are misfiring while I try to come up with a solid retort. He’s totally screwing with me. “I can’t handle . . . whatever this is. You’re acting like a totally different person.”

  “Is that a compliment?”

  “What?” I sputter. I comb through my hair, yanking at the roots. I must be dreaming.

  “I’m trying to make amends, you know? Let bygones be bygones and all that.”

  Zeke’s change of direction causes my head to spin, but I don’t let it show. “This is where you’re choosing to do this?” I hiss quietly.

  “Do what?”

  “Don’t play dumb. What the fuck are you here for?” Betrayal burns across my skin.

  “Coffee,” he says simply, and I want to scream at him.

  “You don’t even like coffee,” I say.

  “I’m allowed to change my mind. The flavor has grown on me.”

  It feels like steam is spouting from my ears. “I have a very fucking personal experience with you and those revolving tastes. Here one day, gone the next. Sound familiar?”

  For a second, Zeke almost looks sheepish while his gaze drops to the floor. “There’s nothing to be mad about, D. You shouldn’t give a shit about me anymore, not after what I did.”

  I pop out my hip, taking a disinterested stance. “Where did you get the idea I care?”

  “You’re joking? Someone unaffected doesn’t act this way,” he says with a gesture toward me.

  “You think this is angry?” I spit and jab a finger to my chest. “This is my place of business, Zeke. I can’t react how I want, and have the right to do so too. All I want is to throttle you, but that wouldn’t go over well with my customers.” I sweep an arm out to the occupied tables. Marlene is going to catch wind of this altercation in five seconds.

  “Let’s go out back.” He hitches a thumb over his shoulder. Why is he acting so
unaffected? Does seeing me again mean nothing? I imagine my fingers wrapping around his throat and squeezing. What a fucking ass.

  I try to keep my voice even when telling him, “You don’t deserve a conversation. In fact, you don’t deserve shit.”

  My words hit the mark. Zeke visibly deflates, and the light in his eyes flickers off. He morphs before my eyes, exposing the wounded version I’m sadly familiar with. Shit, fuck, dammit. The expletives take turns tumbling all about in my brain. His pain was always mine, and right now it hurts like a bitch.

  “Sorry,” I mumble. “That was below the line. You’re just really . . .” I search for the right word.

  Zeke crosses his arms and fills in the gap. “Worthless?”

  I crinkle my forehead. “Um, no. Not at all. I’d never describe you that way. Infuriating is the word I’d choose. I mean, you just waltzed in without warning.” I study his features closely. His eyes are haunted, and I swear there’re ghosts swirling in those blue depths. I know about the scars marking his skin, but it seems like the damage has penetrated deeper. “Are you okay? I mean, in general?”

  “You’re asking me?” His laugh is hollow. “You were right before. I definitely don’t deserve your concern.” Zeke’s despondent tone causes worry to shiver up my spine.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the final few customers are leaving. I’m thankful there won’t be further witness to our fight. My full attention locks on Zeke once they’re out the door.

  “Why are you being like this?” I ask softly.

  His voice is even more flat when he says, “Not sure what you mean. This is me.”

  “You’re acting so detached and strange. This isn’t like you.”

  “Well, you don’t know me anymore.”

  That response brings fury and betrayal roaring to the surface again. “And whose fault is that, Zeke?” I grab a nearby mug with the intention of throwing it at his head. He’s giving me worse mood swings than Aunt Flo.

  “We both know the answer. Let’s not play guessing games.”

  “You’re ridiculous. I don’t understand you at all,” I say.

  “A lot happens in five years. You’re not the only one who’s changed.” He gestures around the store.

  “What is that supposed to mean? Are you upset about my career choice?”

  “Nah, that isn’t it.”

  “What then? Let’s stop dancing around. You came here for a reason,” I point out.

  A flush races up his neck, painting the stubbled skin an angry red. “All of this is proof you never needed me. Not like I fucking depend on you.”

  I jerk my head back. “Oh my God. Are you acting this way on purpose? You’re the one who never came back,” I accuse.

  “Didn’t have many options. But that doesn’t stop me from wishing things turned out differently. Guess I was expecting something else from you.”

  It feels like daggers are stabbing into my broken heart. I rub at the ache in my chest. “Wow, you’re being callous. What did you expect? Should I be wallowing in misery and crying myself to sleep?”

  Zeke rakes through his hair. I catch the tension in his shaking arm, which almost has me reaching for him. Then he ruins it. “I’m glad you’ve moved on. This makes me realize I made the right choice by staying away. It’s good to see you didn’t care one way or another.”

  The anger crackles in my belly, building off his animosity. “That’s bullshit. You don’t know what I’m feeling or thinking. You fucked off and forgot about me.”

  “You think that’s what happened? You have no idea.”

  “Care to enlighten me? Please do because otherwise that seems to be the case. And you’re not telling me anything. For all I know, you’ve been busy—”

  “Stop talking,” he interrupts.

  “Excuse me?” There’s no way he’s bossing me around in my shop.

  “You heard me, Trip. You’ve got no right to assume shit.”

  I gawk at him. “I have no right? What’s gotten into you? I didn’t start this. You came in here for who knows what reason. Probably to rub your disappearing act in my face.” My bitchy defense is taking over. I have him to thank for that, and he’s only making it worse.

  Zeke sneers at me and I hardly recognize him at all. “Ah, yeah. Give me that hate. Let me hear all about it. Judge me for taking off and breaking my promises.” His brow lowers, giving him a menacing appearance.

  “I’m not—”

  “You most certainly are. Thinking I didn’t wanna come back here. That I left you for greener fucking pasture. You’re clueless.”

  “And you’re a liar and a thief.”

  “I haven’t stolen shit,” he fires in return. His massive body is practically vibrating, making him even more intimidating, but I’m not afraid of him.

  I glare and take a shaky breath. “You’re right. I took it all back when you left me.”

  His chin tilts down as he stares at me. “Fuck, Trip. You think I wanted to stay gone? Nah. Every dark night and lonely day I thought of you. I’m caged by the past. You’re soaring into the future. Be thankful I didn’t come back.”

  “Yet you’re standing in front of me now.”

  “Didn’t seem like a choice.” His rough timbre reaches a forgotten spot inside me. Zeke awakens that barren place with a gentle nudge, and there’s so much behind the simple gesture. I watch his lips move, forming words that don’t register. All I hear are teasing kisses to my neck. A delicate trail of velvet skin heading toward my—

  I jolt in place, blinking the vision away. He’s still talking and doesn’t seem to notice my little lapse in sanity.

  “I’m proud of you, D. I’d never be anything but supportive,” Zeke says quietly.

  This distance between us stings. I want to close the gap, wrap around him like an ivy vine, and never let go. Damn, I’m pathetic. I rest a sweaty palm to my forehead and consider the options. Arguing with Zeke is going nowhere.

  “What are we doing? This isn’t us,” I choke over the lump in my throat.

  Zeke offers a sad smile. “There hasn’t been an us in a long while.” He lowers his tumultuous blue gaze, and I feel the loss immediately. But the lack of connection makes it easier to survive this war.

  “So, what? You came looking for a fight? Does that make you feel better about leaving? Maybe if you can shove some of the blame onto my shitty attitude, the wreckage won’t be all yours?”

  “Causing more damage was not my intention, believe it or not. Seeing you, at least one more time, wasn’t an option. This was something I had to do. For closure or some semblance of peace. Maybe to torture myself a bit more than usual,” he mutters bitterly. After a defeated sigh, Zeke rambles on and cuts me deeper. “I’m a broken piece of shit, D. You don’t need me dragging you down. I would’ve ruined you like I’ve destroyed myself.”

  This feels like goodbye all over again, and I fucking hate him for it. Regardless, all traces of rage melt away while a heavy dose of grief pours in. The weight of his desolate stare is too much, so I look away. I want to let my legs give out and collapse on the tile floor. I want to sob at the strangers we’ve become. This isn’t how it should be between us. I run a trembling finger under my stinging eyes.

  My tongue feels swollen when I say, “But you were mine. My everything. You only brought me happiness. I loved you so much.”

  My words have little impact. It’s clear he’s done with this conversation.

  “That seems like forever ago,” he responds quietly.

  The silver chain around my neck burns. Why I chose to wear this particular one today is beyond me. But I hadn’t thought twice before putting it on earlier. Maybe there was a reason. Mysterious ways and all that. I fidget with the ring tucked safely under my shirt, hidden from sight. I can only imagine Zeke’s reaction if he noticed my choice of jewelry.

  When he coughs, I raise my eyes to meet his. Those intimately familiar lips are pulled into a frown, and his light eyes have lost any trace of sparkle. �
��I’m so fucking sorry, Trip.”

  My breath wheezes out on a shuddering exhale. “I’m not that girl anymore.”

  “Please don’t . . .”

  I shoot him a look, daring him to continue. “What?”

  He shakes his head. “You’re right. I don’t deserve to ask anything of you.”

  I sniff loudly. “It isn’t that. I just don’t need the reminder, all right?”

  He agrees with a nod and a somewhat comforting silence blankets around us. I should probably kick him out and go take shots of something strong at Dagos. That would be the smart decision. But he smells good, and I’ve missed him too fucking much. I give myself permission to enjoy however little time is left until he leaves.

  Zeke places a palm flat on the glass top between us. I have to fight every urge within me to keep from touching him. To distract myself, I study the map of scars crisscrossing over his tan skin. Most of the lines are faded and old, but some are new and still healing.

  “What are those from?” I ask and point to the fresh wounds.

  He looks down and shrugs. “Work mostly. Construction is rough on the hands.”

  That reminds me. “So, Roosters?”

  He nods. “Yup, I’ll be around town for a bit.”

  I tilt my head to the side. “Huh. Marlene must have been talking about you after all.”

  Zeke’s shoulders visibly flex. “She’s never good news. Have you started believing her nonsense?”

  A giggle bursts through my pursed lips. “Lord, no. That crazy biddy mentioned someone I know was working on the bar’s rebuild. She didn’t say anything too specific, but I thought of you.” I immediately want to smack myself for admitting that.

  He rocks back on his heels as if my response startles him. “Really?”

  “Don’t read into it. There are only so many possibilities she’d know about. You were a relatively safe bet.”

  “Gotcha,” he says.

  Zeke looks around and I get the feeling he might be itching to leave. The thought makes my pulse gallop, but I keep a straight face. I’m mentally preparing for his departure when he surprises me.